I Can’t Keep Up

“All the things,” is what the kids are saying these days, or so I’ve heard. Really, all of them? Like, everything? Do you know how many things there are?, I silently wonder to myself as I ponder the multitude of the universe.

This thing we call “the internet” has become the back wall in the cafeteria of my elementary school, where my friends and I would taking turns flicking macaroni and cheese (or whatever culinary delight was on the menu that day) against it and see whose would take the longest to slide down to the floor.

We never got caught.

Today, there are so many timelines and hashtags and trending topics and moments and notifications to keep us busy, but I just can’t do it. It all becomes white noise; a distraction like a fly that keeps buzzing in your ear.

More like a million of them.

Whenever I try to follow all the things more closely, let alone contribute anything to the “conversation,” I quickly become depressed and aggravated. Maybe because it’s not a conversation, but an eruption of information. Maybe because most of it is content being created for sole purpose of existing, to give people something to click on, so we can be tracked, categorized, and eventually monetized.

This isn’t living; at least not for me.

I want to create meaningful art, but are people willing to listen? It would take time, undivided attention, and eventually necessitate a response. How do you even initiate a genuine conversation in today’s world if no one is listening and no one cares? Or even if they do care, it’s only for a brief moment before the next shiny things takes their attention elsewhere.

I don’t know what to do about it, but I know I can’t keep up with this information overload. I have been holding onto the hope that things would die down and people would move on to something else, but it only seems to be getting worse over the years.

The ironic thing is, without posting a link to Facebook/Twitter/Whatever no one would even know it exists, let alone read it. So maybe being a part of all the things is a necessary evil, or maybe it’s possible to filter out the noise that I don’t care about.

If not, I’ll eventually let it all go.

The Size of your Dreams

The following quote was shared by the superintendent at my new job at the end of his letter to all staff, welcoming them back for the new year. It’s a great reminder as I recently took the leap from a comfortable job to continue to look ahead and try not to settle in too much here.

Sometimes current events on the news can be so depressing that I forget what a great gift our life is and that I shouldn’t take a single moment for granted, especially since the next one is never guaranteed.

“The size of your dreams must always exceed your current capacity to achieve them. If your dreams do not scare you, they are not big enough.” – Ellen Johnson Sirleaf

Why I Don’t Write More

I have been wanting to write more often recently, but have struggled to do so. Most of it has had to do with internal reasons, but I realized I have been making other excuses, like being too busy and feeling like I don’t have a very concise voice.

Perfectionism is a major issue for me in most of my creative pursuits, but especially in writing. I think the academic nature of writing draws out my fear of being judged by people more-so than music. I think criticism can be less subjective because of rules like spelling and grammar, so the consequences of making mistakes are greater.

Maybe it’s all in my head.

A few years ago I wrote a blog post every day for thirty days or so. I’m not going to try to replicate that, but what I am going to do is try not to filter myself as much. When I have an idea to write something, I’ll write it and post it before I talk myself out of it.

(Yes, I talk to myself.)

Sometimes I am my own worst enemy. I have let some ridiculous things keep me from posting my thoughts to this blog in the last few years. I am naming them in order to get them out in the open so they will hopefully no longer stop me:

  • Post length (too long or too short)
  • Subject (too specific or too generic)
  • Fear of judgement about a subject
  • Insecurity about knowledge of a subject
  • Worry that no one will read, respond, or care
  • Not having an image to go along with the post

Maybe only that last one is ridiculous, but they are all real reasons I have intentionally not clicked “Publish” on a post in the past.

Ideally I’d like to publish something at least once per week, but I will write whenever inspiration strikes and I have the time to put my thoughts/feelings into words.

PS – This post is 308 words.